Techniques Step-by-step guide · 8 steps -18

Prostate massage

They call it the P-spot, or the male G-spot. The prostate is tucked away a few centimetres inside the anus, on the belly side, and the sensations it gives are nothing like those of the head of the penis. Cleanliness, lube, relaxation, a finger pressing gently and a hand on the penis: here's how to make friends with it, solo or with a partner.

Duration30 min

DifficultyAdvanced

IntensityIntense

Props lube, massage oil

Start

A couple in a softly lit bedroom: he lies relaxed on his side as she tenderly strokes his back. — Step 1Lay the groundwork

See in Photo Comic art

Lay the groundwork

The anus should be clean before anyone touches it. As for hands, nails cut short and filed smooth, for both of you.
If his bladder feels full, a trip to the loo first. It sits just above the prostate, and a full bladder can feel like a need to ejaculate, which makes the pleasure harder to control.
Keep the lube within reach and don't skimp: the finger should be generously coated.
Golden rule: anything that has touched the anus (a finger, a toy) gets washed thoroughly before any vaginal caress, so you don't carry bacteria there.

Ease into relaxation

A warm bath just beforehand helps the body let go. Then soft lighting and a candle, the better to focus on the sensations.
He lies on his back, knees bent, feet flat on the bed. Especially at first, everything hinges on this: he mustn't feel tense or worried. Reassure him, help him feel safe: he's the one leading.
Start by massaging his whole body with slow, feather-light strokes, then linger on his thighs and belly before moving towards his genitals. No sudden moves: stay tuned in to him.
Meanwhile, he breathes slowly and deeply. Full breaths like these help him control the rising pleasure, whereas short, fast breathing scatters it.

Let desire build

The more aroused he is, the more sensitive the prostate. So you only go there once desire has really taken hold, never before.
Stroke his penis with your hand or your mouth, and kiss and lick his inner thighs. Take your time.
To bring the perineum into play, warm a little oil between your palms and spread it slowly over his penis and testicles. Cup his testicles in one hand and, with the other, glide up several times from the perineum to the head of his penis, fingers outstretched.
The perineum (the muscular area between the testicles and the anus) is worth lingering over: stimulating it already wakes up the prostate, from the outside.

The more aroused he is, the more sensitive the prostate.
Step 3 · Let desire build

Slip in gently

Lube your index finger generously. First rest it on his anus without going in: the area is packed with nerve endings, so this first contact is already a caress.
Then slide it in delicately, slowly, with the pad of your finger facing up, towards his penis (so towards his belly, since he's on his back).
He keeps breathing slowly. If he tenses up, never force: wait for him to relax before going any further.
Stay alert to his reactions, his breathing, his words. Not sure? Just ask him what he's feeling.

Find the little bump

A quick landmark: the prostate is a chestnut-shaped gland tucked under the bladder, around the base of the urethra. You reach it through the front wall of the rectum.
Slide in a few centimetres (about 3 to 5 cm), curling your finger slightly forward, against the wall on the belly side.
When you feel a small walnut-sized bump, smooth and springy, a bit like a little dome, you're there. Press gently on it and watch how he reacts.
The sensation is a strange one: a mix of discomfort and pleasure, sometimes an urge to pee or to ejaculate. The novelty often throws men, and at the very start, it can even be unpleasant.
Reassure him, stay gentle, take your time. With practice, the sensations often become very pleasant.

Massage, pressing towards the belly

Make small concentric circles on the prostate, or rub it gently back and forth. Keep the pressure directed towards his belly, in the direction of his penis.
Vary the pressure, from the softest to the firmest, guided by his reactions. Some men like firm pressure, others can only take the lightest touch.
You can also slide your finger in and out, at varying speeds: the movement wakes up the very sensitive nerves around the anus.
With practice, a second finger can join the first. There's no rush: the games evolve from one time to the next.

Pair it with a caress of the penis

One finger is enough for the prostate, which leaves your other hand free for his penis. Prostate stimulation can trigger orgasm or intensify it, and the two caresses play off each other.
With your hand well lubed and your fingers curled into a tube around the shaft, start with slow strokes. Speed up little by little as you tighten your fingers, and dwell on the head and the frenulum, which are very sensitive.
Is he very sensitive? Make a ring with your thumb and index finger: less contact, so less need for lube.
Meanwhile, your finger keeps circling the prostate, at the pressure he likes best.

Breathe and pace the climb

This stimulation runs very deep and is very intense: arousal is harder to control than with a caress of the penis alone. Take it slowly.
When he feels it climbing too fast, stop the caresses for ten to twenty seconds, long enough for the urgent need to ejaculate to subside. Better to stop too early than too late.
During the pause, he takes a deep breath and holds it for a few moments, until the urge fades. Then you start again.
Towards the end, keep your hand well lubed and the movement steady, and focus on the tip of his penis. Some men even ejaculate from prostate stimulation alone: the semen then tends to flow out rather than spurt.

Who it's for, and when

Who it's for: men curious about new sensations, alone or with a partner, and partners who'd like to give them this pleasure. Prostate pleasure is nothing like the pleasure of the head of the penis, emotionally or physically. A bit like the difference, for a woman, between a caress of the clitoris and stimulation of the G-spot.

No hang-ups: this caress is still taboo for some men, and the idea may unsettle you both a little. Nothing abnormal about that, and nothing new either: in the old days, they called it "postillionage". Take it one small step at a time: you might just discover something unexpected.

When: never straight in, always after plenty of caresses, when he's already very aroused. Pick a moment when you have time to spare, with no eye on the clock.

Precautions: a strange, even unpleasant sensation at first is part of the discovery. On the other hand, pain that persists, trouble urinating (the prostate changes size with age), an infection or a known prostate problem call for a doctor's advice first. A flare-up of haemorrhoids or an anal fissure? Wait until everything has settled down. At the slightest bleeding, stop, and see a doctor if it happens again. And if you're not supple enough to massage yourself, your partner can reach the area from an easier angle.

Variations and refinementsVariation 1: solo, to get acquainted

Pleasuring yourself is still the simplest way to explore your own sensitivity, at your own pace.

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The album · Photo

Prostate massage, in pictures.

A couple in a softly lit bedroom: he lies on his side as she strokes his shoulder to help him relax.

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Your questions

What people wonder.

Does it hurt?

At the very start, it can. The first touch is sometimes unpleasant, even painful, and the sensation is often a strange one: a mix of discomfort and pleasure, with an urge to pee or to ejaculate. With gentleness, plenty of lube and a man who's already very aroused, it often becomes very pleasant. If it hurts, slow down or stop, and pain that doesn't go away calls for a doctor's advice.

A finger or a toy?

Both work: the massage can be done with a finger or with a toy designed for anal play, one with a flared base that stops it slipping all the way inside. For a first try, a finger has a real advantage: it can feel the little bump and adjust the pressure to his reactions. After that, your games will evolve with practice. Either way, anything that's been used on the anus gets washed before it goes anywhere near a vagina.

Does liking it mean you're gay?

No. The anus is a highly erogenous zone for simple reasons: it's right next door to the prostate and packed with nerve endings. No evidence links this sensitivity to homosexuality, which is an orientation, not a practice. Plenty of straight men enjoy this caress, just as plenty of gay men do.

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