Techniques Step-by-step guide · 8 steps -18

Male masturbation, done differently

Learned in a hurry, often in secret, the move sometimes hasn't changed in years. What if you took your time? New grips, the frenulum, the testicles, the perineum, pauses just before the point of no return: everything you need to make the pleasure last, solo or with a partner.

Duration20 min

DifficultyEasy

IntensitySustained

Props lube

Start

A relaxed man, leaning back against the headboard in a dimly lit bedroom, takes his time, hand on his heart, the sheet at his waist. — Step 1Take your time, wake up the body

See in Photo Comic art

Take your time, wake up the body

Choose a quiet moment when you won't be disturbed, and forget the express session that's over in two or three minutes. Allow twenty minutes or so instead, with no goal to reach.
A warm bath to start (with a drizzle of sesame or olive oil, if you like), the lights down low, a candle: it all helps you focus. Sitting in front of a mirror, you can also see your body in a new light.
Start far from your penis. Touch your hands, arms, feet, calves, thighs, chest and nipples (in men, their sensitivity develops with time and touch). Then massage your thighs and belly before moving towards your genitals.
Starting out tense, irritable or distracted? Place your right hand on your penis and your left hand on your heart. This simple gesture links desire to the affection you feel for yourself.
Erotic images to get started, why not. But once you're aroused, bring your attention back to your sensations: the screen pulls you away from them, right when you're getting close to orgasm.

Lube, then the basic grip

Start by lubing your penis, and keep the bottle within reach so your fingers stay nice and slippery.
The simplest grip: your erect penis in the palm of your hand, fingers curled around it to form a tube. Then stroke up and down, playing with two dials: rhythm and pressure.
Start with slow, piston-like strokes. As the minutes go by, speed up and tighten your fingers a little.
If you have a foreskin, your hand simply slides it over the head. Circumcised? Glide the curve of your palm and fingers over the shaft and head, with plenty of lube.
Think about the whole length. Most men focus on the tip, the most erogenous part. Stimulate the penis as a whole instead: the shaft, less sensitive than the head, can be stroked to your heart's content (gently all the same).

Head, corona, frenulumMind the sensitivity

Two landmarks. The corona is the ridge that rings the base of the head. The frenulum is the little strip of skin attached under the head, which limits how far the foreskin slides. Both are particularly sensitive, the frenulum most of all: go gently.
The route that builds arousal: focus on the head and the frenulum, slide down the shaft, back up, linger again on the head, the corona, the frenulum, then slide back down.
The mushroom: one hand holds the penis while the palm of the other, well lubed, cups the head like the cap of a mushroom. Make small circles, faster or slower. An intensely pleasurable caress.
Too sensitive? Switch to the ring: thumb and index finger alone, closed into a circle. Less contact, so less need for lube, and an ideal caress for very sensitive penises.
Is the movement becoming mechanical, boredom creeping in? Change it. Not repeating the same caress for too long also helps you last.

The testicles, gently

If you're not used to touching them, give it a try. First rub your hands together to warm them.
Start by barely brushing them: the testicles can be very sensitive to a light touch.
Then cradle them in the palm of your hand and caress them in small circles, squeezing very lightly, while your other hand keeps stroking.
Many men also like to feel the scrotum gently stretched.
Always gently, with no sudden moves: these are delicate organs.

The perineum, just in front of the anus

The perineum is the area between the scrotum and the anus. Inside lies the root of the penis, about a third of its length. Caressing this area can bring intense pleasure.
Wait until you're erect, and even well aroused: that's when the area responds best. If you feel nothing or it's uncomfortable, leave it aside and come back to it when your arousal is stronger.
With your fingertips (nails short), look for the spot just in front of the anus, nicknamed the million-dollar point: when you press, you'll feel a small hollow. Massage it in small circles, one way, then the other.
Try pressing too. Pressure can send more blood into the penis, which then starts to throb pleasantly. Firmer, rhythmic pressure mimics the prostate contractions that come with orgasm.
Some men steer clear of this area, too close to the anus for their liking. If it doesn't appeal, go back to your penis and testicles: your pleasure makes the call.

Feel your arousal rise

This is the heart of the method: watching the climb instead of tearing from erection to ejaculation like a racing car. Look out for the tingling at the root of your penis, your breathing changing, your heart speeding up.
An erection goes through four stages. The penis stirs and rises, then becomes firm without being hard, then hard, and finally rigid and very hot, with the testicles drawn up close to the body.
The third stage, the hard erection, is your comfort zone: that's where it's easiest not to tip over. At the fourth, holding back becomes much harder.
A few drops of clear fluid at the tip of your penis? That's natural, and it's a signal: your arousal is rising.
Above all, learn to recognise the stage where everything becomes urgent, almost explosive: ejaculation is imminent, the point of no return very close.

Stop just short, then set off again

When you feel the point of no return approaching, stop. Not at the edge of the cliff: at least a few strokes before. Another, gentler option: slow down, or leave the head for the shaft while you come back down.
During the pause, breathe. A deep breath in, held for a few moments, until the urge to ejaculate subsides. Some prefer quick, short breaths: compare, and keep whatever works for you.
At the same time, lightly tighten your PC muscle, which runs from the pubic bone to the tailbone and surrounds the prostate: your perineum and anus draw in. Lightly, because squeezing too hard makes you tense up and stops you breathing properly.
Still running too hot? Stop everything for ten to twenty seconds and focus on breathing deeply.
Then set off again, and repeat the climb several times. If you come anyway, it doesn't matter: control comes with practice.

If you come anyway, it doesn't matter: control comes with practice.
Step 7 · Stop just short, then set off again

Finish... or don't

After several peaks without ejaculating, you can stop there. Many men then feel calm and full of energy, the penis sometimes still hard for a few minutes, with no discomfort.
Want to come? Let it happen. Keep your hand well lubed and the movement steady, and focus on the tip of your penis.
A feeling of heaviness in your pelvis or testicles after a long session? Breathe deeply, tighten and release your PC muscle, massage your perineum and testicles... or simply let yourself ejaculate.
Keep it playful. Better to ejaculate than to hold back at all costs: your body needs gentleness, not heroics.

Who it's for, and when

Who it's for: all men, single or in a couple, who'd like to move beyond the quickie. Men who want to learn to delay ejaculation will find it their best training ground. And curious partners: taking things in hand is also a way of learning what gives a man pleasure.

When: whenever you have time to spare. For pleasure, to unwind, to release tension, or when your partner is tired or doesn't share your appetite. In a couple, touching yourself doesn't replace making love together, it's a valuable extra (plenty of men who have sex regularly masturbate too).

Guilt-free: many men carry a lingering sense of embarrassment or guilt from their upbringing. You're not the only one, and there's nothing bad about making yourself feel good: masturbation is part of sexuality, solo or in a couple.

Precautions: on the testicles and perineum, keep the pressure measured, never forcing. Pain that persists, ejaculation that always comes too fast and weighs on you, or erection problems every time you have sex are worth taking to a doctor or a sex therapist. The same goes for any prostate trouble.

Variations and refinementsVariation 1: with both hands

When the basic grip becomes routine, put both hands to work. Four moves to try.

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Male masturbation, done differently, in pictures.

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Your questions

What people wonder.

Is holding back without ejaculating bad for your health?

No known danger: semen that isn't ejaculated breaks down, and the body reabsorbs it. After a long session, a heavy feeling can creep into the pelvis or testicles. You can ease it by breathing deeply, tightening and releasing your PC muscle, massaging your perineum and testicles, or simply by letting yourself ejaculate. Pain that persists is worth a visit to the doctor.

Does it help you last longer with a partner?

That's the idea. Touching yourself slowly is training for longer lovemaking: on your own, you learn to spot the climb and stop in time, then you carry that over to your partner's hand, and finally to sex. The real measure isn't the stopwatch, it's how satisfied you both are. If you always come too quickly and it weighs on you, a sex therapist can help.

What if the erection fades during the pauses?

It doesn't matter. Pressing on the perineum can make the erection drop a little, and a soft penis has just as many nerve endings as an erect one. Go back to stroking the penis directly, without forgetting the testicles: most men need direct stimulation to get hard, and that need grows with age. If getting an erection becomes difficult every time, talk to a doctor.

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