Techniques Step-by-step guide · 8 steps -18

Erotic massage, from back to bottom

Nothing beats warm hands and warmed oil for building desire without hurrying. From the shoulders to the inner thighs, here's how to massage your partner, slowing down at every step... and keeping them deliciously waiting for what comes next.

Duration30 min

DifficultyEasy

IntensityGentle

Props massage oil, a silk scarf, water-based lube

Start

A man slowly massages the lower back of a woman lying face down, by candlelight, her skin glistening with warm oil. — Step 1Warm things up

See in Photo Comic art

Warm things up

A room with no draughts. Your partner lies face down, head resting on folded arms or turned to one side. Kneel near their head: that's where the long strokes down the back start from.
Before you begin, talk about it. Their likes and dislikes, their sensitive spots, and the right to say, at any moment, gentler, harder or somewhere else: a massage adapts to the person receiving it, never the other way round.
Rub your hands together briskly to warm them up. Then take a generous handful of warm oil, without skimping: it works better, and feels far nicer.

Light strokes to spread the oil

First contact: hands flat, light pressure, nothing more. Start with the shoulders, then move down to the arms, the back and on to the legs, slowly spreading the oil as you go.
This isn't the massage yet, it's setting the mood. You're working the surface of the muscles, to relax them.
Slowness is everything: slow effleurage soothes. If you catch yourself speeding up, slow down.

Slowness is everything: slow effleurage soothes.
Step 2 · Light strokes to spread the oil

Big circles along the spine

Still kneeling near their head, place both palms on the top of their back, one on each side of the spine (never on the vertebrae), with slow, gentle movements.
Shift your body weight forward: your hands gradually travel down the spine in one long, pressing stroke of the palms, all the way to its base.
Once at the bottom, separate your hands and come back up the sides to the shoulders, shifting your weight back as you go. Repeat several times.
Your hands never stop: they trace one big, continuous spiral. Ask what pressure they like. Firmer, the stroke boosts circulation. Slower and lighter, it soothes.

Press with the heels of your hands, then stretch

Move to their side, level with their waist. Place the heels of your hands on their back and press gently but firmly, one after the other, without letting up in between.
Work rhythmically, alternating left hand and right. These long palm presses ease out little knots of tension, as long as they're never rough.
A tighter spot under your hands? Rest your thumbs or knuckles on it, with steady pressure. Then, with the pads of your fingers, draw small circles to work deep down, not just on the surface.
Finish with stretches: both hands, in turn, stretch the skin and muscles as they move slowly along each side of the body.

The lower back and the sacrum

Move down to the small of the back. Lay your hands flat on their hips, fingers together, palms wrapping around the lower back. Stay still for a moment and let the warmth of your palms sink in.
Then switch to your thumbs. Press with their pads in small crosswise strokes, or small circles, on the tense areas. The pressure goes straight down into the muscle: light at first, deeper if your partner asks for more.
Roll your thumbs one over the other, pushing a little further with each roll: that way the movement covers a wide area.
Right at the bottom of the spine, just above the buttocks, lies the sacrum. Draw small circles there with your fingertips, in several places, one way and then the other.

The buttocks, kneaded like dough

Move round to the side, level with their hips. The buttocks are a fleshy area, ideal territory for kneading, which works deep down.
Take generous handfuls of flesh and knead, alternating: as the first hand loosens its grip, the other closes on the area next to it, and so on.
Don't lift your hands between movements. The pressure passes gently from one to the other, exactly like kneading dough.
Start gently, then gradually press harder, asking them what pace suits them. On a tighter spot, draw small circles, fingers straight or bent at the second knuckle.

The inner thighsSo close, and no closer

From the buttocks, glide down to the backs of the thighs in long palm strokes, then knead the thighs in turn: they're fleshy too.
Then slowly work your way up the inner thighs, in tighter and tighter circles... and stop before you get there. Come back down, start again, a little higher each time.
Circle around their genitals without ever touching them. That near-touch that never lands is maddening, in the best sense of the word: frustration is part of the pleasure.
The rule: no touching the genitals until you've touched all the rest of the body. Watch for the signs (faster breathing, little moans) and, instead of speeding up, slow down even more.

Finish in circles, then come to rest

Go back to light strokes, but in small, feather-light circles: each one travels up towards the heart, from the thighs to the buttocks, then along the back to the shoulders.
Finally, rest your hands and stop moving: the left at the base of the neck, on the little bump of the spine between the shoulders, the right flat on the sacrum. Stay like that for a moment, breathing calmly.
What happens next is up to the person being massaged: a cuddle, sleep or lovemaking. Massage is ideal foreplay, but it doesn't commit anyone to anything.

Who it's for, and when

Who it's for: every couple, beginners included, and both ways round, taking turns. No flexibility required, no complicated technique: warm hands, oil and time. It's also a lovely way to get to know each other's bodies better: you discover new sensations, learn to savour caresses, and even gain more control over your own pleasure.

When: as foreplay, on an evening when nobody's watching the clock. Massage is a slow build, and it doesn't take kindly to being rushed. It's also enough on its own, to unwind: slow, light strokes are soothing.

Precautions: never any rough moves, and the person being massaged stays in charge (gentler, harder, stop). Back pain, pregnancy, limited mobility? Ask a health professional for advice first about positions and pressure. And if the caresses reach the vulva, swap the oil for a water-based lube. Same rule if a condom is going to follow: oil weakens latex.

Variations and refinementsVariation 1: The silk scarf and the blindfold

To push the anticipation even further, take away sight and change textures. Blindfold them, if they like the idea. With no way of seeing what's coming, every touch becomes a surprise.

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Erotic massage, from back to bottom, in pictures.

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Your questions

What people wonder.

Can you put massage oil everywhere?

On the back, the buttocks and the thighs, yes, and don't be stingy. For the vulva, though, switch bottles: a water-based lube. Oils, massage oil included, and petroleum jelly upset the vaginal flora and aren't compatible with latex condoms.

What if your partner falls asleep?

That's a good sign, if anything: slow effleurage is soothing, and relaxation has won. Give them a cuddle, let them sleep, and pick things up later if you both still feel like it.

Does a massage have to end in lovemaking?

No. It's ideal foreplay, a slow build, but it's also complete in itself: you discover your partner's body and how it responds. No need to aim for maximum arousal: it comes on its own when the time is right. And for him, there's no need for an erection for it to feel good.

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