Missionary position

The missionary position is probably the best known of them all, the one everyone pictures by default. The person being penetrated lies on their back, thighs apart, and the other settles on top, facing them, propped up on forearms, hands or elbows. Faces meet, chests touch, and penetration comes from above.

Its name comes from an often-told and never really verified story: the missionaries who came to convert the Pacific islands supposedly recommended this position as the only decent one, and therefore the best suited to making babies. The locals, amused, are said to have named it after them. Legend or not, the name stuck, and it has come to stand, a little unfairly, for vanilla sex itself.

In practice, it has real strengths. Being face to face lets you kiss, talk and read each other's reactions, which makes it a very reassuring position for a first time or after a long break. It asks little effort of the person lying underneath, and the angle is easy to adjust: a pillow under the bottom raises the pelvis and changes everything, knees pulled up to the chest to go deeper, legs crossed behind your partner's back, or on the contrary one leg resting on their shoulder to heighten the sensations.

Its weak spot is the clitoris. There's often not enough friction, especially if the partner on top holds themselves high up on their arms. Two adjustments change the game: the partner on top slides their pelvis a little higher so that the pubic bone presses against the vulva as they move (what's known as the coital alignment technique), or a hand, theirs or that of the person being penetrated, comes in to stimulate the clitoris during penetration. Nobody needs to apologise for lending a hand.

Books inspired by the Kama Sutra describe a good ten variations depending on where the legs go: the tiger, the plough, the anvil, the octopus or the oyster, the reed... So many ways to play with depth and pressure. Not to be confused with doggy style (from behind), cowgirl (the person being penetrated on top) or spooning (lying on your sides, facing the same way). If the position causes pain, especially deep pain, it's better to talk to a doctor or a sex therapist than to grit your teeth.

Synonyms : missionary, lying face to face, the classic position