Positions Step-by-step guide · 6 steps -18

69 without the stiff neck

On your sides, taking turns

On your sides, head to toe: nobody squashes anybody, and you both get to savour it. Here's the 69 at its most relaxed, move by move, with pleasure taken in turns, the hips steering and the hands doing the talking.

Duration15 min

DifficultyMedium

IntensitySustained

Props cushions, water-based lube

Start

A couple lying on their sides facing opposite ways on a bed, a sheet over their hips, their tender gestures caught in the golden light of a bedside lamp. — Step 1Lie on your sides, head to toe

See in Photo Comic art

Lie on your sides, head to toe

Both of you lie on your sides, facing each other but head to toe. Position yourselves so that each of your mouths is level with the other's genitals.
It's the most restful version of the 69: nobody carries anybody's weight, nobody gets squashed. When one of you lies on top of the other, your builds inevitably come into play, and whoever is underneath soon finds it hard to focus on their own pleasure.
Have plenty of cushions around you, and rest your head on the other's thigh or on a cushion: hold your head up in mid-air and a stiff neck is guaranteed. Going down on each other is one of life's simple pleasures, but you still need to be comfortable to enjoy it.

Start with the whole body

The urge to throw yourselves at each other is only natural. Take time to savour things all the same: for her, the golden rule is no touching the vulva until the whole body has been caressed.
Head to toe, her thighs, buttocks and legs are within reach of your hands, her upper thighs within reach of your lips. Stroke, kiss, brush, working your way gradually closer to her vulva.
There's no rush for him either: you can perfectly well start caressing him before he's even hard.

Going down on herWake the clitoris, then suck it

Start gently: with your fingertips, delicately press the lips of her vulva together and cover them with kisses. Then let your tongue linger a while at the entrance to her vagina before going a little further.
The clitoris is the most sensitive part of the vulva: approach it from the sides. With your tongue stretched out, pointed and nice and firm, give quick little flicks all around it. That's what wakes it up, makes it stiffen and coaxes it out of hiding.
When it shows itself, take it between your lips and suck long and slow, while flicking its tip very quickly with the point of your tongue. Then vary the pleasures: faster tongue movements, deep kisses, then your tongue cupped, swirling round and round.
Meanwhile, all she has to do is savour it. Nothing obliges her to get busy at the same time. In fact, that's the whole point (see our tip below).

Going down on himLips first, then tongue

Hold his penis in your hand, rest it between your lips and just graze it, nothing more. Then cover it with kisses, and lick it, lingering on the head.
Next, close your lips around the tip and suck gently. With the point of your tongue, also caress the foreskin and the frenulum, which is ultra-sensitive.
Gradually take him further into your mouth, halfway, and suck. How far should you go? As far as you feel like, and no further: you're the one in control.
Don't forget his testicles, which are delicate: caress them in small circles, squeezing them very lightly in your hand. Many men also love having their scrotum licked, or even their testicles taken into the mouth, one after the other.

Talk without saying a word

Your mouths are busy, so your bodies do the talking. By rolling or wiggling her hips, she herself sets the pace of the caresses she's receiving: all he has to do is follow.
He answers with his hands: he takes hold of her bottom and helps her move. He goes with the movement instead of just putting up with it.
Watch for the signs. In her, quickening breath, moans and quivering sides tell you orgasm is on its way.
In him, testicles drawing up tight against the body announce that ejaculation is close. If you're caressing them, most men prefer a gentle touch, some like it firmer. Pay attention, he'll show you the way.
And if something isn't right, just lift your head and say so.

Your mouths are busy, so your bodies do the talking.
Step 5 · Talk without saying a word

Get your rhythms in tune

Your pleasure doesn't always build at the same pace. If he feels himself coming too soon, stop everything for a moment, then start again: it keeps him from ejaculating too quickly. You can also leave the head alone for a while and stroke only the shaft.
With her, it's the opposite: as orgasm approaches, you speed up. Slide your tongue in as far as it will go, very gently, then come back up to the clitoris and tease it with the tip of your tongue, faster and faster.
When he's the one getting close, keep up a steady movement, focused on the tip of his penis. To finish, it's your call: your mouth all the way, or your hand taking over.
After her orgasm, don't let go: keep her close, sweep your tongue, nice and flat, gently over her vulva, then come back up to kiss her tenderly. Then find each other face to face again: cuddles and sweet nothings, and plenty of them.

Who it's for, and when

The 69 is a universal position: it suits a straight couple just as well as a gay or lesbian one. The side-lying version is the most restful of all. It works well for partners of different builds, since nobody gets squashed, and for anyone who wants to take their time.

As for timing, it makes the perfect starter: you both work up an appetite before the main course. And if the amuse-bouche was a generous one, the course that follows can be lighter. The 69 can also be a meal in itself, because making love isn't only about intercourse.

Precautions: if there's any pain, irritation or infection, talk to a doctor or a sex therapist. If you're pregnant, have a painful back or neck, or limited mobility, ask a health professional for advice first. During pregnancy, never blow into the vagina: air can get into the bloodstream (an air embolism), a rare but serious accident. And with a casual partner, protect yourselves: a condom for oral sex on him, a dental dam (a square of latex laid over the vulva) for oral sex on her.

Variations to take it furtherVariation 1: kneeling over him

He lies on his back. You kneel over him, facing his feet, one knee on either side of his head: your vulva is level with his mouth, and you lean your upper body down towards his groin.

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69 without the stiff neck, in pictures.

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Your questions

What people wonder.

Who goes on top, if you don't stay on your sides?

Most often it's her, and then she runs the show. But your builds matter: whoever is on top keeps their weight on their knees so as not to squash the other. If the difference in size worries you, stay on your sides, where nobody carries anybody's weight.

What if he feels himself coming too soon?

Stop what you're doing for a moment, then start again: it keeps him from ejaculating too quickly. You can also leave the head alone for a while and stroke only the shaft. Or simply hand over your turn and let him take care of you.

Do you need a condom for a 69?

With a casual partner, yes: a condom protects during oral sex on him too, and there are non-lubricated ones, used mainly for oral. For oral sex on her, the protection is a dental dam, a square of latex laid over the vulva. You can do without both once negative tests and fidelity are part of your relationship.

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