Masturbation

Masturbation is the deliberate stimulation of the genitals, most often by hand, for pleasure. You can do it alone, but also as a couple: stroking each other by hand is called mutual masturbation, and touching yourself in front of your partner is one of the simplest games a couple can play. The word comes from Latin and its origin is still debated, somewhere between manus turbare (to disturb with the hand) and manus stuprare (to defile with the hand).

In practice, the moves vary enormously from one person to the next. For a vulva, stimulation usually centres on the clitoris and its hood, in circles, side-to-side strokes or little presses, rarely right on the bare tip (too sensitive), sometimes with a finger or two at the entrance to the vagina. For a penis, the up-and-down stroke along the shaft dominates, with variations in grip, rhythm and the attention paid to the head or the frenulum. Water-based lube often changes everything: it prevents dry friction and lets you last longer.

Toys are happy to join in: vibrator, air-pulse clitoral stimulator, dildo, soft stroker, and for some women the shower head. None of it is compulsory, and the hand remains the most precise tool, since it can feel what it's doing. The only real precautions come down to common sense: clean hands, short nails, toys cleaned after use and materials made for the body (silicone, glass, ABS), and no improvised objects inside the vagina or anus.

It's also a perfect playground for exploring. Masturbating lets you find out what works, at what pressure, at what pace, and then pass it on to your partner, which often works better than a long speech. It helps you make friends with your body again after childbirth, surgery or a dip in desire, or simply drift off to sleep more relaxed.

A few words not to mix up: onanism is an old and slightly moralising synonym, edging means getting close to orgasm and then slowing down to make it last, and prostate massage works through anal stimulation, not the shaft. Long surrounded by absurd warnings, the practice is not dangerous in itself. If it takes up so much room that it disrupts your daily life, or if it comes with pain or a loss of sensation, talk to a doctor or a sex therapist.

Synonyms : onanism, self-pleasure, touching yourself, playing with yourself, pleasuring yourself, wanking, jerking off, mutual masturbation (with a partner)